A few words...
The name's Bard. I'm really just another guy like every other guy in every city in the world. Like every other guy, I have a story to tell. I have a combination of talents, weaknesses, friends, and interests that is unique to me. I enjoy a good joke. I'm above average in some areas, and I'm below average in other areas. I think the sum of my strengths and weaknesses makes me about average. Okay, maybe a bit above average.

That's where my problem comes in. I'm kind of a narcissist. I'm not severely vain or anything, I mean, I don't shave often enough and I don't have pictures of myself all over my room, but still, my attachment to myself is more or less perceivable. Maybe the best way to describe me is as an idiot. Not an idiot in the sense that we use it nowadays, that is, I'm not a moron, but like... an idiot in the Greek sense, that is, someone who is absorbed in their own self-defining characteristics (their idiom). That's kind of what I am.

Of course, it's not as simple as that. Despite my affliction, I've made some friends. Actually, I've made some particularly good friends. People tend to keep me on the ground, and that's what I like about them. I need other people. I'll be the first to admit that.

Anyway, I've only been around for about twenty years or so, but in that time, I've learned a whole lot of random stuff. David L. Petersen once likened the learning process to flecks of paint on a wall; independently, they're only meaningful to themselves, but if you stand back, you start to see things, and before you know it, you've developed a kind of picture of how things are in the world. I feel that way a lot... most people laugh when I tell them I'm a religious studies major who is avidly indulging in his hobbies: geography, theatre, organic chemistry, politics, music, geology, and philosophy. I wish I had more time to give every discipline its fair due.

So I'm a religious studies major at Canisius College in Buffalo, NY. I'm big on ancient greek and Christian origins, but I'm not particularly Christian. I actually consider myself a pantheist, that is, one who believes that God is in absolutely everything. It kind of looks a lot like belief in The Force or something, but I have two responses to that: first, pantheism has none of the dualistic overtones that Jedi does (that is, I don't believe that there's necessarily a Dark Side or Light Side of The Force), and second, Jedi is not a real religion. Jedi is something that George Lucas made up in some kind of effort to bring classical myth and philosophy into a big-screen sci-fi epic. While Lucas succeeded in making a good film, he's not a theologian. I'm a pantheist, not a bloody Jedi.

I'm also obsessed with civic duty and other municipal responsibilities. I was born and raised in the city of Albany, the capital of New York State. I went through the city's public school system. I hate suburban life and all of its elements with a consuming passion. I can't stand commercial television. I don't watch it. I'm a huge fan of public transportation. I hate shopping malls, I love small businesses... You get the idea. A common misconception is that I'm a socialist. I am not. I am very much a capitalist, but I believe that by participating in capitalism, every citizen has a responsibility, that is, a moral obligation to consume intelligently and responsibly. In our democracy, our vote means something, but our money is where our voice really is. I don't think enough people understand this. That's a problem.

So my goal right now is to become a teacher. I hope to be a professor of religious studies or philosophy, but it doesn't really matter as long as I get to inspire some people, somewhere. I fully understand that one need not be a teacher by profession in order to inspire. This is just the way I want it.

I like videogames, a lot. I identify myself completely as a nerd. I love Final Fantasy 7. I like the original Metroid. I like skiing and canoeing. My favorite Mario game is Mario 2. The second Ninja Turtles movie was the better movie, but the first was the better film. Bach was more of a mathematical genius than anything else. My patron trees are the gingko and the birch. I love the sky and pear-flavored jelly beans. Billy Joel is a phenomenal artist. I like Kerouac's "On the Road," Stevenson's "Kidnapped," and the Harry Potter series. I don't drink alcohol, and I've never touched tobacco. These are facts.

If there's anything you need from me, I'll see what I can do.