5/7/02 8:35pm "My last night here for you, / Same old songs just once more / My last night here with you? / Maybe yes, maybe no..." Heading off for my last karaoke night in a bit, but it's more than that. Four months is a long time to be away from all of the freedoms that I enjoy as a college student. Well, this too shall pass. I feel like I've failed someone during the past few days... so if you feel that I've failed you in some way, I'm sorry. God knows I've done my share of failing on the chemistry final today, hoo boy... I can't wait to see how that turned out. It's just as well, I suppose. In a week, none of my cares here will have any consequence, and I'll be met with a whole new set of challenges. Onward, then, to new (or is that old?) things...

5/4/02 9:01pm The sun is setting on this day here, and this day will never come again. I silently wish for one last dance in the moonlight, one last whir of a miter saw, one last chocolate milkshake. The people I've met and the things I've seen make me feel like a veteran of some neverending war. The truth is that I feel myself decades older than I was when I left home, even though it's only been a year. All of the events of my past have brought me here, looking out across the quad and towards the sky. I don't know where I'm going, but I know now that I have it in me to make the best damn showing of it that I can. Wearing my mind on my sleeve, I turn from the window and look into the mirror... who is this Bard? This is a Bard who likes a fair fight, who never turns down an adventure, who cherishes life's experiences. How can I possibly think that I'm even beginning to understand what life is? What is the source of that arrogance? Do I even have the burden of proof there? There's a falcon on my finger, tying me to my home, my birth, and the State which I have sworn to change. I know that I can make a difference here, and that I have a responsibility to people that I don't even know and may never know. I stand before myself and before the world, resolved to do everything in my power to act responsibly.... and pray that those I share this life with do the same.

5/4/02 11:47am Had a splendidly splendid day yesterday... it was cold as hell, but Springfest was still pretty fun. Free cotton candy, a freak show, and sumo wrestling with Bob... oh yeah. Captain O'Malley and I proceeded to Jeau and Carrie's for eight hours of movie-watching, Mario-playing goodness, culminating in a Mortal Kombat II deathmatch between me and Matt Wayne... projected on the wall in fifteen-foot-wide glory. Fatality! I'm going to see Spider-Man in about an hour... Mark has already voiced his downright elation (which doesn't happen very often), so I'm really really looking forward to this. Rock on, true believers!

4/30/02 9:06pm Well, I have a cold kind of, and it sucks. Ehh, but I'll live... I have literally no more homework this semester, save only a take-home final for philosophy that I haven't been given yet. In more important news, I've rediscovered jumping on my bed and consider it to be, by and large, a viable passtime. There's nothing to do here, and I'm enjoying it, at least for now. I still need to find a job for the summer. I hope this week never ends.

4/27/02 8:11am I... am so out of it. Wheeee.... I haven't slept all night and I'm eagerly awaiting 9:00 so I can GO TO SLEEP... so far I've decided that I'm taking Evolution/Ecology, Organic Chemistry, Mythology, Intro to New Testament, Concert Band, and Greek next semester. Yes, that's right. Evolution, New Testament. Organic Chemistry, Mythology. Greek. No math, no english, all Bard. I need sleep.

4/26/02 4:33pm So the week of trials and tribulations is drawing to a close... there were a number of successes and a number of failures. Notable successes... we have a musical, and it actually opened... I handed in my English paper early and got all of my homework out of the way and such. Failures... oh man, the chemistry test slaughtered me and my schedule is looking shakier and shakier for next year. Ah, well... on with the weekend, with two shows, a registration all-nighter, and a lessening probability of my seeing the light of daytime hours. Life is good.

4/20/02 9:04pm It's a brisk Saturday evening here in Buffalo... I have less than three weeks here before returning home. Not a whole lot is going on right now, stuff is merely at a "pretty OK" level right now, like it has been for a good long while. Nothing has come by for me in quite some time... it's just as well. The only thing dependable about the future is uncertainty. Why does every road I consider seem to lead to a dead end?

4/17/02 10:57pm I'm extremely tired and irritated. This semester is crunching down right to the wire in more ways than one, and it takes all I can give just to stay afloat... this is the way to live. Do I even want to go back home in a few weeks? It's going to be slow and I have to work.... ehh, summer will go by quickly enough. For now, I'm going to keep reading, writing, playing, singing, dancing, and fighting. Here's to missing the dart board every one in three shots.

4/14/02 4:33am What kind of person drives to Ohio for no reason at all? What kind of person likens the Hebrew deity to a cactus juice drink? What kind of person throws on steak sauce, steals a baby christmas tree, gnaws on a chicken carcass, and listens to oldies for five solid hours? There is an art to living. "What is this place?"

4/8/02 7:16pm I don't know where I'm headed. So many things are up in the air right now... but I'm back in Buffalo, and glad to be for the time being. What am I going to do this summer? I'm just falling now, and I don't know where I'm going to land. Catch me, if you think you're up to it. Not many people would be, but I suppose that's your burden... the faith that one Bard may place on you. After all, we are exactly what our faith makes us. Who would take a flying leap for my sake?

4/5/02 12:29am Yep, there's not a whole lot going down here. At all. I mean, I've got noodles, I've got a pulled neck muscle, I can't look left... who could ask for anything more? At least I'll be back in the midwest (read: Buffalo) in a couple of days, and I can return to my regularly scheduled activities: work, play, and lots more play. Ahh, the stresses of gummy.

3/31/02 10:51pm Back in Albany for a week and some change... it was great to see the high school show, and even better to see so many people again. My marshmallow peeps are currently opened and the aging process has begun... mmm... marshmallowy goodness. So I'm sitting here on a Sunday night and the entire household has gone to bed. Toto, I believe we're not in Buffalo anymore. It's just as well though, I needed some Bard time to collect my thoughts, regroup, and assault the remainder of my freshman year of college. It's been a wonderful bloody ride so far... and it's getting way more interesting. I need a job. Who would hire a Bard like me? Ahh, a Bard like me.

3/25/02 6:21pm "Our voices will ring forever... as one..." It's snowing out there, kind of. Spring break is merely days away, and the semester is basically over anyhow... I might not be able to salvage my chemistry grade, but what the hell, I was never a stellar student anyhow... settle for mediocrity and have fun while doing it. So my roomate's friends just called... "uhh, we were wondering, where are you from?" Where am I from, anyway? "First we thought you were from Massachusetts, then we thought you were from Rochester, then we thought you were from Long Island..." Yes, those are three places that I am not from. Well, I'd like to be from the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts, but that's another story. I might as well be a Mass-hole; Albany is like half an hour away... so that's basically where I'm at. Yeah, I'll be home soon enough... back to the marble plaza, the politics, and a stone's throw from better maple syrup. Mmm... syrup...

3/23/02 4:01pm Ahh, life. I'm finally beginning to get some things through my head... in any event, congratulations to the cast and crew of "Big," I heard you guys put on quite a show last night. As for myself, my show is also going pretty well, all things considered. The last one is tonight; I'll be sad to see it go. Soon enough, though, I'll be heading back east to my own city... a week and a half of rest will do me good. Life has been pretty relentless recently... it's a good thing I like it that way. Here's to maple syrup... sugary goodness in drinkable form. Mmm, drinkable.

3/19/02 12:17am I've been stricken by something, inexplicably... sometimes, I guess live just sneaks up on you and pounces. Who knows where this road will lead me?

3/17/02 6:12pm Good weekend. Going out with friends, family came out to see the show... good form. Things are just about fine on my end, and, all things considered, things should stay pretty good in the near future. Ah, life. The gummy of the gods.

3/14/02 4:03pm Wow... I literally haven't had so much as a spare minute in the past week or so... Toronto was great; I'd like to go back there again sometime. The play has been destroying my life while, at the same time, making it all the more great... I feel asleep in a chemistry lecture today. So did my chemistry professor. Right, so the show opens tonight. I'm really excited, and I haven't felt like this in a good long while. Excitement... so yeah, things are good right now. I am committed to this course... where is the road taking me? Do I still want to be a bioethicist?

3/8/02 10:53pm Am I empty? What exactly am I gaining by holding myself above everyone else? Am I too good to join them? I'm afraid of gambling and losing, I'm afraid of losing myself... for now, I'm going to keep on watching Star Trek and kissing noses. I don't know where I'm going anymore... is it worth it to be like this? What am I missing?

3/4/02 10:08pm What's it all for? Batrick has been dealing with his world, I've been dealing with mine... but why am I bothering? I just want to curl up somewhere and get things figured out. Time marches on... I have three papers and two pretty major tests this week, the play I'm doing is headed into crunch time, and in the midst of it all the nerd empire is expanding... palindromic damage! Bottom line, I don't have a second left for myself... or is everything myself anyhow? I am who I am because of how I act through all of these situations. I am who I am, I stand alone. It's a lonely goddamn road.

3/3/02 12:59am It's raining here in the Midwest. I spent about ten hours in the theater today, rehearsing and building the set. I think we're going to have a halfway decent show by the time we open... March 14th? Somewhere around there. I've just kind of been drifting for awhile now... has it been that long? I guess it has. Beat Sephiroth with the Buster Sword last night. Heh. Matt O'Malley wanted to see Supernova... good shit. Right now all there is to me is my work, the show, and my merry band of nerds... too bad half of them go home on the weekends. Ah well, it's all just the same... here I go, on into the future. What a horrible thing time is.

2/23/02 7:28pm Deliver me from desire of every sort... get me away from here. I can't do much of anything now, paralyzed by my own idea of ethics... what kind of person has no aspirations? What kind of person doesn't know where they're going... I have goals, I have a purpose. This life is mine and mine alone... nobody is going to break me down ever again.

2/22/02 11:53am I am the rightful heir to this planet. Three days ago I had no idea where I was. Now I'm just lost. However, one thing is true... you must face the gazebo alone. The planet is dying, and I'm the only one that can stop it. Well, all those other people can too. But they're mad lazy, so that leaves me. Yeah, this is going to take a lot of work.

2/14/02 8:33pm Milk... it does a body good. Tomorrow I'll be taking the train back to Albany for a couple decent days of rest. I guess the Harvard debate tourney is this weekend... oh man, if only. Away tournaments were among the best times of my life in high school, and college is not unlike one long away tournament: fun away from home, people that take things too seriously, ginger ale in plentiful supply, and drunk students meandering about, wasting their lives. Good times... when I return, I won't be alone... argh. How can you prove that you exist? Maybe we don't exist. You have problem?

2/7/02 10:11am Oh man, I just had candy before lunch... I must be in college. Well, the Patriots won the Superbowl, and I'm a happy camper. I have three papers due next week along with a big chemistry test, but it's really ok because I have Sugar Babies stuck in my teeth and a work ethic like the tides of Nova Scotia. To understand what that means, visit Nova Scotia. Yeah, stuff is great.

1/31/02 11:46am Typical Friday... no worries. It was a good, standard issue week here in Buffalo. Last night's ice storm closed every school and university in the area... except Canisius College, of course. Ah, it's just as well, because we debated freedom of the will in philosophy for the whole period today, learned about the failure of the revolutions of 1848 in history, and the chemistry was pretty easy... now it's just seventy minutes of statistics between me and freedom. And by freedom, I mean mojo. Gummy. Gummy-mojo.

1/24/02 11:56am I'm nineteen years old today. The eighteenth was one of the best of my life... so many great things happened to me, I said goodbye to my home for awhile and struck out anew... it's been a great ride. Here's to another year of good things and overcoming the bad.

1/22/02 2:52pm Well, things are smoothing out on the home front, and I've got enough work to keep me occupied for quite awhile. I saved Lord Hammett in Golden Sun, hahah... good form. I've got band tonight, callbacks for the show this weekend (hopefully), and enough ginger ale to last me... eh, seventy-two hours at most. The magic continues.

1/21/02 1:37am I failed. I destroyed the most sacred trust one can destroy, and I did so with a complete disregard for those who were important to me. I'm a traitor and a coward, and most of all I'm afraid of who I might hurt next. I guess I really am a monster.

1/20/02 3:51pm Well, I've returned to Buffalo, and one week of the new semester is down. I've been playing Mario Kart for the GBA quite a bit recently... good stuff. Being in college is a very strange thing... people you know can be really close to you in some ways and completely distant in others. Am I a monster? I've been worrying about this more and more... perhaps it would be better if I stopped talking and started listening. I can't shake who I am.

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