1/12/03 3:41pm "This is going to feel a little... weird." Phase-shifted back to Western New York today after waking up on four hours of sleep... after one of the most awesome nights ever. The Damn Yankees benefit concert for the Albany High Drama Club went off ridiculously better than anyone really expected, and it was absolutely awesome being on stage again with a number of friends from back in the day... we played the Egg, baby! Then there was karaoke and free food at the restaurant of the singing waiter, and an awesome Gateway trip with slams from Mr. Coleman and James to various individuals, electrifying Mike Zonca... a goodbye in the parking lot for Meghan Towle, and then packing back at my place until three in the morning featuring Zonk and Sarah Dunn. Now, though, I've gone back to the western front, where solid few months awaits me, with all of those twists and surprises and all of that work... yeah. Bring it, Buffalo... Bard's back, and he's charged with home-grown goodness. Rarh!

1/5/03 2:17am First, I have some kind of personality disorder right now that causes me to uncontrollably mimic Homestar Runner. Second, I've been downhill skiing three times in my history now and I like it a whole lot. I'm way addicted, and the clam chowder at the top of Jiminy Peak rocks. Third, my life is amazingly great and filled with ridiculously awesome people that are way too nice to me on a completely constant basis. I came home from skiing with Zonk and Jenny O'Connell and my family to find a house full of my friends... surprise birthday party for "Old Man Bard," complete with a cake baked by Tom and Mark, Risk with Eli, Kennedy, Billy, Craig, and Meghan Towle looking on, Callie furiously playing the X-box... and there was ginger ale and gummy... so I can cross "be the victim of a surprise party" off of the great to-do list of life. The break has been absolutely wonderful. New Years Eve was rock solid, with seven hours of First Night downtown and the first trip to Gateway in 2003. Two fireworks displays, visiting the renovated Palace Theatre, listening to three notes of the Albany Symphony Orchestra playing Eine Kleine Nachtmusik before leaving in utter musical disgust, Albany High Drama singing at the Crowne Plaza... I've had three weeks of utter freedom and friendship, and the last week of break begins now... things can't possibly get better than this. Time's slamming forward though... come on, 2003. Let's see what's next.

12/24/02 5:34pm Call it magical, call it whatever you want... this is shaping up to be one of the best holiday seasons for me in recent memory. Festivus was yesterday, and it rocked. Thirty of the grooviest people I know made it to my house last night, the aluminum pole stood tall, the fire burned away in the wood stove, grievances were aired for well over an hour... so many great times were called back from our memories, and a pretty damn good time was had by all. Dave France won Risk again, but not after a sixteen-cannon showdown in Siam... Mark spazzed out and broke a plate that was on the mantle, Zonk entertained us all with Seinfeld episodes, I saw so many old friends for the first time in too long... yeah. It was a quality Festivus. Today, I had my first ever experience with downhill skiing, and it was mostly enjoyable apart from some random guy yelling at me and a semi-intentional collision with a tree. Seeing the snow-covered Berkshires again was awesome though, and it was thrilling and nostalgic and whatever else it needed to be to make it pretty cool and memorable. Now I'm relaxing and waiting for the Christmas Eve chinese food to arrive from the place down the street... sweet. Happy Holidays to you and yours, then... the journey continues!

12/21/02 11:36pm Whirlwind of events back in the city where I was born, got back into town, Tom and Zonk antics, two cancelled trips to Boston (go Mr. Plans), natural peanut butter, three Gateway trips thus far... yeah. On Wednesday Tom and I went on for a quest for clam chowder that spanned Albany County to no avail and purchased a sweet galvanized aluminum Festivus pole and a PVC pipe stand for it. Grades were posted on Thursday, and that was all well and good enough (albeit the worst semester of my career at Canisius thus far), we picked up Mark from the airport. Space Channel 5 music has been flowing from KaZaA like hot lava, I've been to rehearsals for Damn Yankees (which I have a part in, it's a one-night only showing on January 11th), judged the debate tournament at Niskayuna today and remembering the awesome times I've had with so many people that I'd admittedly forgotten about... Julie was back on Tuesday, Billy last night, 20 cent Schenectady tolls have been paid from the three-hubbed Lumina, and tonight I went to Meg Towle's other brother's house for a holiday gathering of people that I didn't know. The house was pretty damn cool though, I guess it was a commune way back when, and I got to catch up with Sarah Dunn, so that was all well and good, and there was twine and cheesecake and carpet on the ceiling... then we hit the Plaza in the cold, those towers looming above me and a certain concrete Egg, yeah, it's great to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Festivus is coming soon, and I must admit that I'm looking forward to it more than I am to Christmas. That's just the kind of person I am...

12/13/02 4:26pm End semester. It was a fine one... new characters, new interests, Shakespeare, Greek, Pano's, running up an down a mountain on an October morning, getting closer to last year's new friends, mopping the bathroom, house managing Charlie Brown, strike energy with presidential hair, daily hugs from Dan-Lance-Dan, medicine ball in the Bucket, Space Channel 5 prohibition, damn fish refusing to eat each other, the stars on that night in the hills, a car accident on the second day, reflection, anguish, happiness... man, I'm going to miss this place for a month, and the people that I share my life with. It's been awesome, and we're still only getting started... yeah. That was fun, Life, so keep it coming. I promise to mind what I've learned and bring it with me as I go...

12/10/02 12:54am So this is "finals week," which is pretty much a sham because I have five "finals" to go to, and naturally, my grades on these tests will determine my worth as a human being. So in sum, I'm not at all concerned about any of this... things are sweller than swell right now, knowledge is slamming through my head like a brother-kicked proton, I hit Mighty Taco with four fine friends of mine, I had a bizarre hypersensory experience last night in which I could hear everything going on in the building, I'll be back at my other home in less than a week... it's all surging forward, bloody optimism, music, gnosis, hot sauce, all of it... keep it moving, keep it flowing, keep me flying. There's something kinetic here, something I've only felt a few times before... this is satisfaction in the face of merely quasi-satisfactory circumstances. "Greater things than these you will see..."

12/8/02 12:57am "I am free, yes I'm free, now I'm on my way..." So I had a good long conversation with an old friend this evening, someone I haven't talked to in way too long. We've both changed a whole lot, but I don't know... I still remember those days at rehearsal when we were all still friends, band practices with Lutzy, and a bus ride back from New York City... so I really have been slammed back into the past recently, haven't I? Two trips home, "retro week" in the bucket, the "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" production reminding me of the old high school club, and now this... the past is a cool place, and I've been ignoring it this semester, with my looking towards the future and Promethean babble and other Fate-related lameness... it's great to be reminded of where I came from, and remember the lessons that I've learned. It's been great, hasn't it?

12/6/02 3:39pm This week has been tough in a lot of ways for me, but I think the storm is over. I'm really sorry to anyone who feels I've let them down recently... isn't it the way of things? Everyone is connected in one way or another, and I'm beginning to understand that I can't keep taking my connections for granted... my friends all mean so much to me, and I hope that some day I'll be strong enough to really communicate that. Meanwhile, I'm continuing to walk the road that's been set ahead of me... classes are over. I didn't miss a single one this semester. Perfect attendance! How the hell does that happen? So now it's just finals next week, and then my triumphant return to the other place where I belong. Charlie Brown opened last night, and it rocked hardcore, and it marked my debut as a bona fide techie. I had the gaff tape stripe and the headset and everything... man. But the show went really really well, and everyone involved is significantly happier now that the insanity of the rehearsal process is over. So that wraps it up for me here... the show must go on.

12/1/02 10:36pm Yeah, it's snowing outside, and there was thunder and lightning. Thundersnow, ladies and gentlemen. Thundersnow. That's one thing I've crossed off of my grand list of things to see...

12/1/02 7:40pm Thanksgiving has come and gone, and with it, a glimpse of the good life that I'm returning to in two weeks time, some good memories with friends and family... yeah, it was a good break from the end-of-semester action that's going down here in Buffalo. I spent some time with my grandparents, watched Animal House, The Chamber of Secrets, and Bowling for Columbine, ate myself stupid for three days straight (let me just sample these pies for you all), went to Gateway twice, met up with the rest of the Big Four, and saw a whole bunch of other people who I haven't seen in way too long, including Mark and Sarah and Meg and Russ and France and Kennedy, played some Risk... yeah. I took the train back out here today, and had a delightful conversation with a man from southern California who was headed for U of R to scout out a place to further his career as a neurologist. It's all pretty groovy now, I don't really have too much on my mind, the opening for Charlie Brown is fast approaching, and there's a whole lot of positive energy up in this piece. It's snowing now, a whole crazy whirlwind of ice and emotion and depth and essence, you know, this is the world I'm growing up in, and there's still so much more I need to do and see... who's going to be with me through it all? The authentic ones know who they are... look out, semester. Your days are numbered.

11/23/02 2:26am Trudging over ice and snow, the wind in my face... it brings back memories, it transcends the moment... I feel good, I feel warm, content, at peace. Lots of things have happened, but I really wouldn't have had it any other way... nothing happens by accident in this world view of mine.

11/20/02 9:58pm What? Two good days in a row? Today was a Wednesday, no less... more clubroom antics (including a big cup full of Pepsi knocked over onto the floor during "Eye of the Tiger"), the return of lunch with Carrie (and de-Shiftyfication of the lunch line was key), waltzing through the pre-MCATs without a care in the world, my last concert band rehearsal EVER... but there were a couple of things that made today really stand out. I had a conversation with Dr. Dehn today about my goals as a bioethicist and how an undergrad degree in biology would play a part in that... so my intentions of dropping biology have been summarily quelled, and my commitment to the dualistic nature of humanity has been renewed. Tonight marked the best Chartwells meal ever, a meal I shared with my esteemed colleague, Derek "Mr. Furious" Weibel. Captain Chartwells himself served me steak, and there was shrimp over rice also, which was less good than the steak. Derek and I split a monstrous slice of cake, and I took the sinister portion. On the more symbolic side of things, I got a fortune cookie today. It said something about my luck changing... I guess it didn't occur to me that it could change for the better, with the way things have been going recently. It was a full moon tonight, and I saw it, big and bright and orange as it rose over the chapel in the quad... yeah. Some days, things just go well. Come on, future... show this Biology-Religion major what comes next.

11/19/02 9:16pm Today is one of those days that will stand out in my memory as the kind of day that makes me glad to be alive. The day started with a 6:40am phone call. I was sound asleep, as was my esteemed roomate Little Pat, but we were both startled into consciousness... when someone calls you at 6:40 in the morning on a Tuesday, what's the first thought that goes through your mind? Well, it turned out that all of my close relatives are still alive and well... it was Mike Truesdail. At 6:40am on a Tuesday, he called to ask me if I wanted to go to Pano's. The answer, of course, was a resounding hell yes... as I've said time and time again, I would go to Pano's at five in the morning with Satan himself. So I had a spinach fix and a large glass of cranberry juice with ice before my 8:30 class, and I saw the sun come up over Elmwood... the start of a new day. Biology class was swell, because Dr. Dehn said "Ordovician." Nobody else probably even heard or understood, but I've known about the Ordovician since I was about six years old. Yeah, I'm a paleogeologist at heart... so I busted back over to my apartment, slammed through some organic chemistry, copied down some Johannine Greek, and went up into the Tower to present Dr. Dietz with my seven-page paper, "Classical Mythic Elements in Final Fantasy VII." The paper was accompanied by a four-hour VHS tape of excerpts from the game and a six-page-single-spaced synopsis of the storyline that I slapped together in half an hour off the top of my head. Lunch was sweet and existential, because everyone knows that there's something inherently sweet and existential about fresh ground pepper over Chartwells grated cheese over marinara over pasta from the pasta man... and more cranberry juice and a Chartwellsian Jewel to top it off. The clubroom was teeming with awesomeness after lunch, and Rich Kraemer and the crew and I sang out the Cartoon Heroes song as well as everyone's kinetic favorite, Tequila. Mythology class was groovy, because Dr. Dietz was like, "nobody's ever read Oedipus at Colonus!" But it turns out that I have, so I felt special. Then there was the great general chem lab practical, which freshmen stress about, and it was funny because for three hours I guarded the door to the lab, trying to convince the students that they had to contend with a snapping turtle and throwing knives. Nobody really bought the story, though. The three hours of gummy ended with my escorting of a near-death Lori back to her room in Frisch at the request of everyone's favorite swinger, Dr. Schaber. Oh, and it turns out that Mr. Stabler does crossword puzzles during his spare time. I gleefully skipped home and ate a banana, some ramen noodles, and a can of orange Sunkist soda while watching Little Pat try to play the original Metroid. It was funny because he sucks at it because his life is so goddamn linear. I slammed through some more organic and Greek, then decided it was time to hit the library and search for Johannine symbolism... so now I have to write this big paper on light and darkness in the Gospel of John. Yeah, days really don't get much better than this... what did I do to deserve all of this? "So somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good."

11/17/02 9:27pm Well, my trek across the state and back is over and done, leaving me back here where I started. Being home for such a short time was extremely weird, almost like a dream... I don't know why or how it all happened anymore. I saw the high school play, I lost a hubcap, I shook some hands, drank some Albany city water at Gateway, passed through our 53 million dollar train station for the first time, watched the second Harry Potter movie, had some meatloaf, watched the fire in the wood stove... I don't know, it's just too much of a system shock, the spacial dislocation is one thing, but the temporal, that's another thing entirely. I don't have time to worry about it now though, I had a good weekend, but now I have to bear down and finish this semester off strong. It's snowing in Buffalo, it's snowing in Albany, and the winds of change are blowing me in the only direction I know how to go...

11/14/02 11:43pm Setting sail for home tomorrow, for the first time in a long time. I did a ton of work this week, and the worst is over, but I still have so much to do... but not this weekend. This weekend will be fresh, exciting, different... two nights back in my city, the place where it all began... yeah. It's been a good week. It's been a good semester. The journey continues... oh man! I'm going to see the Harry Potter movie on Saturday! My sister bought the tickets already! And Gateway and Zonca and my brothers and... oh man. Yeah, it's about time I went home.

11/12/02 10:28pm It's pretty hot here in the Bard-cooker, you know, major mythology test today that I botched pretty well enough, pretty ugly organic test tomorrow, these two term papers looming within the next week, oh, and a New Testament test on Friday, right before I head for home. It's fine though, because I have enough time on my hands to do a decent job of my work, and enough energy to leave a pretty good mark in this semester as the final days draw closer. We sang a bunch of Disney songs in the clubroom today, so that was pretty good... well, yeah. Energy... what's it even doing here? I just keep going...

11/10/02 12:07pm So the past week has been pretty solid as far as weeks go... most of my free time was devoted to taping Final Fantasy 7 for my mythology project, and in the spaces in between I grappled with my decision to remain a biology major, saw an excellent leftist propaganda flick called "Bowling for Columbine," avoided getting my ass kicked in Othello, hit Pano's with two very good friends of mine, and hit Pano's a second time on something that could only classically be described as a date, but it serves me right because I'm a complete idiot who reaps what he sows. In any event, I begin this new week with an understanding of how things really are and how they need to be... there's a whole lot of challenge set ahead of me this week, three major tests and two papers, but really, it's all good because this Friday I'm heading back to Albany for two nights to see the AHS production of M*A*S*H and take my little sister to the new Harry Potter movie. Well, I say it like that, but really it's a ploy, because I want to see the Harry Potter movie for myself. So, as always, I have my work cut out for me... "I know it seems that I don't care but something in me does I swear, I don't remember all last year, I left you awake to cry the tears..."

11/3/02 3:11am Nights like this make me glad that I'm alive... I feel so invigorated and strong... man. We had a better show than I thought we would, the audience was awesome. And then there was strike... the energy just came over me like some unstoppable force, my hair was all messed up, and I was flying up and down the stairs with lumber as if it were my sole purpose of existence. So many awesome people are dedicated to this Little Theatre club that I've found, and I'm so glad that the run of Two Gents went so well... I just... wow. The next chapter starts now, with new challenges, new rules, and so many possibilities... what did I do to deserve all of this?

11/2/02 4:41am It snowed today... hello, November. Today was absolutely incredible... the show ROCKED hardcore, I took a nap for an hour and twenty minutes that completely distorted my concept of time, I hit Pano's with fifteen theatre-type friends of mine, and I had a good long conversation with Carrie that tied ends that needed to be tied and sent me spiraling off into the future, both immediate and distant. Where am I going from here? Hell, that's for nobody to know but Fortune... isn't that always the way it needs to be, though? I can't deviate from the path that has chosen me... this is my place in the kosmos, this is what I need to do... I have work to do, I have friendships to strengthen... I have a home to return to in a month. The snowflakes are carried by the wind, that same awesome force that drives me forward... this is a good time to be Bard. This is the dream that time dreams...

10/28/02 11:55pm If you've never seen the North Atlantic during a snowstorm... well... then there are some things that you just wouldn't understand even if I told you.

10/27/02 6:53pm So I'm all for this gaining back an hour thing... it gets darker earlier, and it's lighter in the morning... good form. This weekend was pretty damn awesome, between the visit from my family and Zonca, two trips to Pano's, three good performances, last night's movie-and-meat shindig in the bucket, Brendan Cataldo, my brother, and Zonk not having towels this morning for post-shower dryness requirements... ahh, classic. Today was pretty groovy too, went to Niagara Falls (Zonk had never been there), showed my family the glory that is Mighty Taco, and napped the afternoon away after saying goodbye. I have a very minimal amount of work due this week, and as such, the bulk of my academic efforts will be channeled into convincing Dr. Dietz to let me write my mythology term paper on Final Fantasy VII. This is the beginning of a new part of the semester for me... more wide-open spaces, tougher work to nail down, and the goal of developing the new friendships that I've made with some really great people... yeah. I'm going to take whatever empty feelings I have inside and slam them somewhere else... nothing is going to stand between me and my goals. Except maybe ethics. Oh, and killer robots. And girls.

10/26/02 2:21am Well, I'm tired and dirty, but the apartment is clean and ready for my family and friends tomorrow, including the bathroom. So I learned how to use a mop today, and that was pretty interesting... I guess I'm finally growing up. Maybe I wasn't given enough life skills as a kid, and maybe things have been too easy for me... it's not my fault, is it? Why do I feel guilty for my upbringing sometimes? Arrghhh... so, right, onto the fun stuff. Tonight was just amazing... I guess I've been associating with some pretty crazy people recently. After the show, which went pretty well, a bunch of us hit Pano's, one car accident, twenty minutes of lostness for the other car, and an interesting jaunt around Buffalo later. Big Pat was along for the ride, and the sum of the others included Bill, the two Dans, Rich Kraemer, Tony and his girlfriend, Justyna the ASM and Speed girl. The ten of us sat at Pano's for a couple of hours telling stories about our various run-ins with the cops and other such intrigue, with Dan Lance Dan biting off Rich Kraemer's fingers and Big Pat donating all of his carbohydrate foodstuffs to me... the rain in Buffalo seems to be conducive to car accidents. Well, I guess Tony is conducive to car accidents too... well, hey, that's what we're here for, right? So the weekend is here, and my parents and Zonk are leaving Albany in less than six hours, which is absolutely groovy. I saw Brendan Cataldo today, he's gotten a lot taller, and his godforsaken sister isn't talking to me, so my life is taking a turn for the good... man, I cleaned the bathroom. Four shows left to do... and there's a little cast and friends shindig here in my apartment after the next show... this is way positive... man. Way positive indeed... this is the life I'll remember when I look back, the late nights, the bucket of nerd that I call my home, the tech calls and the people and the hot sauce, you know, the important stuff in life... things are too good for me to mind my situation right now, so fie on my situation... this is the life I live, this is the path that's chosen me... where's it going next? Dan Lance Dan says, "it was a hot day in the summer when I got hit with a rock in the head." Excelsior!

10/24/02 11:52pm Heh, an update at the same time as last time... well, there you go. The show opened tonight, and it opened pretty well. I'm really happy about the way things have turned out... but this isn't a time for celebration just yet. I have a lot of work to do, miles to walk, responsibilities to look after, and expectations to live up to. I'd really like to thank everyone involved with the show, and my other friends around here for being so damn supportive of me during my insanity... I'm really horrible at showing it, but I do appreciate everything that y'all do for me. Ahh, second person plural informal... sweet, sweet dialect. Time blasts forward, though... it's one thing that nobody can stop.

10/21/02 11:52pm What is this... I'm inundated with work and mental/emotional strain, and yet I'm on an upswing? This is fine by me. There's a full moon out tonight, did you know that? Artemis out out there, somewhere, chaste and aloof and harsh... but there's a serene side to it too, you know. Yeah, things are good for me right now, and it's pretty inexplicable. The show is starting to look like an actual show! This is extremely positive... hey, I had Loganberry from the can today. It was pretty damn kickin'... and some grown-up macaroni and cheese to go with it... thanks, Carrie. It's just a matter of time now until the weekend hits hard, the show opens, and my family comes up... and Zonk is coming up too! Oh man... so I was reading part of the Aeneid today, and it turns out that Vergil was a pantheist, and nobody knows it but me! Here's to the meaning of life, groovy set changes, and finishing off my roomate's orange juice.

10/17/02 7:45pm Well, the crunch for the show is fast approaching, and that's fine by me. Yesterday sucked, without a doubt... it rained all day, the morning was rough, and I got soaked by puddle water from a school bus that flew by me... I didn't even realize that could happen in real life. So today was a bit better, and that's cool. I had a lot of actual free time, so I got some work done, and I talked to a whole bootload of old friends... left a phone message on Billy's machine in Boston, talked to Zonk about his forthcoming trek from Troy to Buffalo, talked to Mark in New Orleans about his rage of various shapes and sizes, talked to Julie in Pittsburgh about our differing college experiences... hey, I talked to my brother at home, he seems to be doing pretty good, and I got some pictures of the beginning of this semester developed, and they're pretty funny. They're actually mostly of Byron doing stupid stuff with: an aquarium light, a plunger, a molecular model, a medicine ball, and a host of others... oh man. And I bought Hot Tamales at the bookstore... the finest of the boxed candies. Mythology, as always, rocked my world, because we hit Orpheus. Yeah man, Orpheus. Oh yeah, and mad people were in the clubroom today after lunch, which did my heart good. Oh man! And I played Chutes and Ladders. I won once, and I lost once, but I was the Mexican-looking kid both times. Damn that inconstant Central American nation! So anyway, things are pretty normal today. They're so normal, in fact, that I'm relegated from my usual cryptic banter to actually describing stuff that happened to me. What's up with that? Yeah... what's up with that...

10/15/02 8:33pm "Captain, fly our dreams into outer space!" It's funny what a new day will bring you... how a return to reality can jolt you into seeing what's really important. This is American pragmatism at its finest... the critical thing is to do what works. Yeah, I was shaken too, more than I led on... but what the hell... I'm not changed. I will continue to do what I've been doing for the last couple of years... here I stand, I can do no other. Here we go though, right? Straight into what's waiting for us. Yeah... in reality, nothing ever changes. Rock on, Gibraltar.

10/15/02 4:08am The only direction we can move is forward. What the hell is this event horizon? I can't feel my helmet (first class). Look Ma, it's Mako poisoning... uhhh... gurk? Some things in life are better... gummied... oh. Yeah, I need to sleep..

10/14/02 5:36pm "In my dearest memories I see you reaching out to me; Was it Fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind?" Looking at fires makes you remember all kinds of funny things. What do you think of, where have you been? So this camping thing turned out pretty good. This morning I woke up before the rest of the cabin and took a three mile loop up and around a random mountain in Allegany State Park... pretty groovy, since I haven't been in nature in a few months. The leaves were gorgeous, and the country road wound to and fro... man. And then there were the stars, with all of the symbols and feelings inherent there. Unfortunately, I didn't see the moon. Looking at fires makes you remember all kinds of funny things. A couple of days ago, I was losing my mind... since then, I've built two fires (one and five matches respectively, damn the wind today), played Chinese Checkers and Crazy Eights, had my person price-gunned at $1.09 per Bard, and looked out from a hilltop to something better than where I've been. Everything is good here... I still don't quite know what exactly is going on, and in a lot of ways I'm even more confused than before... but I've got mud stains on my jeans, and that makes everything a whole lot better. Here's to friends, nature, and Christopher Columbus. Way to discover, buddy. Way to discover.

10/13/02 3:03am Well, it's been a day. Woke up this morning to a phone call, just like all good mornings start... teched in the theatre for about nine hours, did the music audition for Charlie Brown, planned my exodus from Buffalo tomorrow, and talked to Carrie for quite a considerable amount of time... ate only some Apple Jacks and a couple slices of pizza. The set is nearing completion though, which is positive... but I still have a lot of work to do for the show, still memorizing my lines... and there's a lot of other work that needs to be done here... argh. Life is positive, though. Which direction will choose me? Why the hell am I doing this to myself?

10/11/02 4:35pm So by tomorrow morning, my apartment will be void of everyone except me. This is pretty damn liberating... four days without classes, without roomates... I mean, I have a lot of work to do, and I'm going camping for a night or two, but it's all good... this weekend is already just what I needed. Oh man, camping... the forest! Speaking of which, I was given the brilliant idea of picking up a Classics minor by my Greek professor today... I think I just might do that. So now I'm Bard... Bio/Religion dual major, Classics minor. Ahh, and so my plan is set into motion. What a plan. What a canal. Panama.

10/10/02 10:16am Well, things are pretty good here. The four day weekend starts tomorrow, my biology test grade was pretty acceptable, and my situation is more or less stable. I have a lot of work to do, naturally, but that's the way it goes. I'm hurtling forward on an irreversible path towards something better... we are riders to the stars. "One day I will be queen, but I will always be myself."

10/06/02 9:54pm Maybe I really can't handle any of this. Maybe I'm not grown up enough, maybe I'm too inexperienced, maybe it's just not ever going to be my turn. The one thing I can't do is run away... I mean, I could go back to Albany for four days, but what the hell would that accomplish? I guess I could use some alone time, though... no, not alone time, just time with the people that really matter in my life. Yeah, I'd probably like that a lot... here's to shattered glass, gold and red leaves crunching underfoot, and the drive to never give up the fight. No, this is not a fight I'm going to back away from.

10/05/02 9:22pm Well, I'm completely clueless, listless, without tack (in addition to tact, which I generally lack anyhow)... you know, the wind, my sails, this trireme ain't going nowhere (there ain't go gettin' offa this trireme we're on?). She says she's trying to get inside my head, but I doubt she's even into that, and everyone knows that it's impossible to begin with... besides, as I've been hearing more and more these days, I'm 'unmarriable.' I'm already hitched though, to my saga, my idiom, cold autumn nights like this, you know? There are only so many of these left. Don't worry about me, though, I do just fine for myself... my academic work is hitting the October slide, I need to have my lines memorized in a week and a half... on Tuesday, Dr. Dehn asked me, "What do you want to do with your life?" and I don't even know how I began to answer that one. Some questions are just unanswerable, especially when people expect honesty. Oh man... some concepts just completely elude me. Completely.

10/01/02 10:46pm I went on a pretty mystical journey today... I guess I've never been too high in the Tower building of Canisius, and this week I needed to declare my majors, so... I decided to find out exactly where the Religious Studies department offices are located. I entered the building on the ground floor, and, being unfamiliar with the thing, started ascending the stairs. I was up to the fourth floor when I realized that eleven-story buildings usually have elevators... so I exited the stairwell and found the elevator. Once I got to the tenth floor, it hit me that the Tower is just a hideous, claustrophobic, circular... nightmare. I walked around until I saw an open door. "Uhh... is this the... Religious Studies... department?" I stammered to a nearby woman, and then she impatiently indicated a sign on the door that read "Religious Studies Department." "I have this dual major form I need to get signed," I managed, and then the woman indicated a closed door down the not-so-hallway... the office of acting chairman Rev. Dr. Trevor Watt. I knocked on the door and entered... I was immediately greeted warmly by a man with a scholarly English accent and wild white hair. Papers and books were strewn about the small office, and today's New York Times was on the floor. I pulled in a chair as the man apologized for the chaos... but what chaos it was! This was a marvelous room. After a discussion about myself, my goals, and academia in general, my dual major form was enthusiastically signed and I was sent back out into the warped system of the Tower. Oh yeah, and the man used the word "ethos" in a sentence. Ethos! How great is that? Apparently I'm on my way to becoming a Biology/Religion dual major, officially... this is an exciting process. This is an exciting time. This train we on... this train we on don't make no stops.

9/29/02 12:10am "OK, whatever Mr. Plans..." In two weeks, I will invariably have a good time, however, I don't know how that will come about yet. I may be going to Ohio for a few days with my esteemed colleague Jason in search of materia, stopping along the way to see Captain Matthew O'Malley and Sarah Dunn. I may be auditioning for YAGMCB here in Buffalo and then heading down to Allegheny State Park for a couple days of nature. I may be staying in Buffalo and entertaining a visit from the sensational M. R. Zonca, Jr. I may just damn it all and hop a train back to Albany for a few days. Who knows what the future will bring? "Only God and Mokujin know for sure."

9/26/02 9:06pm Delivered through the forest into a clearing, a grassy field... this this light Holy? What is this place? "The water's dirty..." This weekend should be pretty lackluster. Who says that? "I'm planning on having a lackluster weekend." But it's true... I really am planning on having a lackluster weekend. Once I slam through Organic and Greek tomorrow morning, I'm home free for lacklusterness. I don't even understand how this works... maybe I'll devote massive amounts of time to memorizing my lines or something. Maybe I'll just do no work and sit around and do nothing... of course, that's not an option, because I have this homecoming gummy Saturday morning immediately followed by the first Two-Gents tech call... yeah baby, Bard with a miter saw. But what the hell am I supposed to do with my time otherwise? Maybe I'll write a letter. "I took a moment from my day and wrapped it up in things you say, and mailed it off to you..."

9/22/02 10:57pm I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those gauntlet-running weeks... Greek quiz tomorrow on alpha and omicron declensions, Mythology presentation and paper on Tuesday and Thursday, respectively, an Organic Chemistry test on Wednesday, and a New Testament test waiting in the not-at-all-distant future. Then there's the incessant play rehearsals that pop up without so much as twenty-four hour notice, the stresses of maintaining my callous, semithoughtful idiom, and, of course, I'm Spider-Man on the side. You didn't hear it from me. Things are good, though, things are positive... I have commitments to keep, I have Starcraft to play, I have three plus one awesome roomates to kill my time with and enough Cinnamon Toast Crunch to last until the next supermarket run. How many more strokes of the pen is this going to take? How many more people will it take to see it? Y'all see the glory...

9/20/02 2:25pm You probably haven't seen this site for a long time, but do you remember the subjects of our e-mails? One of mine in particular... "spontanaeity." And you were like, "Bard, is that even a word?" I knew it was. I need to prove it tonight, I'm hosting Studio X, which is basically a night of skits and songs and assorted randomness from the Little Theatre club. I'm hosting?! I haven't prepared anything, and here I am just expecting things to spring from my mind and people to laugh at them... I really don't know. Here you have it, people... Bard is scared. Of course, I was scared when Bill and Kennedy and I crashed the Shaker prom, I was scared hiking on the cliffs in New Mexico, and I was scared when I realized that I'm alive... I guess I do good things with my fear, though. I'm not afraid of fear, FDR. I'm really not. (FDR? Franklin Delano Romanowski!)

9/17/02 6:55pm Days like today make me respect Atlas. I feel the weight of the world bearing down on me, my eyes are burning, my mouth is dry... my brain is completely fried. At least I was scheduled out of rehearsal tonight... maybe I'll go to bed early or something. Maybe I'll keep doing work... I've never felt so obligated before. Am I killing myself with this? I need to keep going, I need to continue to bear the responsibilities that I have undertaken. I guess I have to walk this road alone...

9/14/02 1:32pm Well, I'm pretty entrenched in the homework battle, and having to learn a hundred fifty lines or so isn't really helping much. It's not that I'm complaining... I mean, this is an awesome opportunity and everything, but the contrast between this and my summer life is enough to give me pause. There ain't no gettin' offa this train we're on, though, and this isn't something I would trade for just anything... do you remember how the Plaza stairwells reminded me of an RPG area? What I wouldn't do with 255 luck... it's gone now. Wow... well, I guess it's time for rehearsal. Yeah.

9/11/02 8:26pm Wednesdays are rough. Concert band let out early, thus lightening my spirits... but ah, I just don't know anymore. Life has gotten about thirty-eight times more complicated now, between my nineteen credit hours spread over two unrelated majors (a situation that I will probably bitch about for the rest of my years here at Canisius), being cast as the lead in the Shakespeare play (I've never done Shakespeare), this new chem lab TA job, dealing with "home life" in my apartment... and, to top it all off, I still barely even know who I am. Days like today make me an unthinking robot, bouncing from one task to the next, every emotion and thought completely feigned for the sake of others. I don't even know why I do it anymore... it's not like my snide, cold-man image is difficult to maintain. Here, I'll even tell you how it's done. Step one... if someone approaches you, growl at them if you don't know them, smile at them if you do (I still don't understand how I make friends). Make caustic, bittersweetly funny comments about this that or the other thing, blah blah blah, act goofy for no reason, and that's about it. I'm about as awful as they come... yeah. "The only dependable thing about the future is uncertainty."

9/6/02 3:36pm Yoinked my first paycheck from Canisius today... ahh, income. If all goes according to plan, I may actually come out of this semester with a positive net change in available funds. I was called back for the lead in the Shakespeare show we're doing here, and I'm not really thrilled about that. I didn't want to audition in the first place... yaarrrgh! It's all for Little Theatre, though. Yeah. Byron and I broke into the gigantic carton of Goldfish I brought... mmm... cheddar fishies... and we just kicked Tim Hauser out of here after crushing him and Jason at Kent, which has become our new official apartment game. Speaking of the apartment, I think I need to go unload the dishwasher. Ahh, dishwasher.

9/3/02 8:43pm Well, it's Tuesday. I have basically all of my work done through Friday, but I have the mother of all college days before me tomorrow... the 8:30-11:20 class block, a bit of light dining hall fare (complete with hot sauce and Loganberry), the big O-Chem recitation, Biology lab in the field (counting trees in some Cheektowagan forest), some more dining hall fare, and the concert band that I've come to strongly dislike... with the festivities ending at 8:30pm, I'm just lucky I don't have a Little Theatre executive board meeting at 9:00... no, those don't start until next week. Even so, I'm gliding through things so far without many problems. When you realize that nothing in life is actually difficult, everything pretty much falls into place. Yeah, I'm lucky. But... how lucky am I? At least "I have my books and my poetry to protect me... I am shielded in my armor..." There ain't no gettin' offa this train we on. No... this train we on don't make no stops. Time's arrow (why am I crying?).

8/31/02 1:41pm It's great. As soon as I get a comprehensive plan of action for the immediate future, my rarely seen common sense overrides it, leaving me careening out into space, adrift, without any idea where I'm going. I had an opportunity, and I turned it down, flat out... it was for the better. I'm not just another average white college guy, I can't be... So anyway, Jason and I are spending our three day weekend on a grand nerd project, the idea of which we've been entertaining for some time. The project? A tandem-PlayStation tandem-nerd Final Fantasy VII race. That's right, two televisions side by side, in synchronized FF7 glory. It's the best thing ever. Last night, we cleared Midgar and we saved as soon as we got to the world map... I made it in three hours seven minutes, Jason in three hours twenty-eight minutes. Yeah, what a good project. Right now I'm gearing up for today's leg of the journey, but first I have to digest Big Pat's bacon-grease scrambled eggs. Experience.

8/29/02 8:08am I have this morning thing down pretty well for now, except it's getting tougher and tougher... well, getting to sleep after one last night didn't help matters much. Now it's off to biology class... yeah, I'm back in the swing of things here in Buffalo, and the three day weekend approaches. I thought of a kickass definition for "myth" in the shower, and ran out to jot it down. In any event, Bard had better not be late for class... I need to end this liability. I'm sorry if I hurt you.

8/22/02 7:40pm Hey, well, great, I was in a car accident. You know, the kind where you're sitting at a stop light minding your own business and you get rear-ended? Yeah, that kind. Anyway, the car seems to be basically OK (albeit a tad scuffed) and I'm pretty good, all things considered. My nerves are pretty shot, and, uh... yeah, but we're all fine, here, now... how are you?

8/21/02 7:00pm My dishwasher is running, now that I've more or less satiated my hunger with a couple of burgers from Wendy's... ahh, college life begins anew. My townhouse is reminiscent of a hotel suite... kitchen, living area, bedrooms... but it's kind of bizarre and angular, and it makes me want to snuff the person that designed it. I realized after settling all of my stuff into one side of one room that I shafted myself with the worst desk of the four... I ain't got no keyboard tray. Ah, no matter. Soon, my comrades will be here (hopefully with a telephone and a television, the two things that I curiously lack at the moment) and all will be right with the world. Meanwhile, I have a Little Theater meeting to go to in an hour and an early morning chem lab meeting tomorrow. The trip out was pretty benign, with the last two and a half hours (between Syracuse and Buffalo) driving by my lonesome passing buy curiously fast. Must have been the oldies...

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